First and foremost, I have no idea how to put my nifty image that I made for this column up so that the title makes more sense. This angers me in five ways, each way more vicious than the last. Until the image goes up, I’m just going to leave the title as it is and assume that you get the gist of it as we continue.

UPDATE: Jordan helped me figure it out. He is a good man. Now you get the title, though, right? It’s, uh, an … English majors joke, I guess. Good lord I am a nerd.

Oops the monkey flies the coop

Sometimes I think CNN.com makes stories up just so their crack team of headline writers can come up with a gem like this. I bet that monkey’s name was really Bobo or Captain Cheese or something like that. Oops? Who names a monkey Oops? The story says that the other monkeys weren’t expected to reproduce, but they did and there’s Oops. What a blow to that monkey’s self esteem. No wonder it ran away! It spent its entire life as an afterthought! “Oh, look, there’s Oops. Born out of wedlock! Now we have to buy extra bananas because of that damn thing. I wish he’d never have been born!”

They seemed to say.

Here’s a picture of the Japanese macaque, of which Oops is a member via species:

Those monkeys aren’t just sitting there, looking at bananas. Those monkeys are plotting! Look at them! Sitting there, all conspiratorial-like. I imagine their conversation went a liiiittle something like this:

We’ll catch you, soon enough, Oops. Just you wait.

Just you wait.